Category Archives: Autobiographical

Confessions of a Male Stripper

 

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A little about me, I was raised Jehovah’s Witness by a family that was considered strict even by JW standards.  My parents expected dating to be serious and for the purpose of marriage.  I wasn’t allowed to date until the age of 18 when I disappeared.  The expectation that one would be able to get marriage right the first time with no experience is like expecting someone to walk up too the plate in the last inning of the last game of the World Series and hit a home run while never having swung a bat before in your life, or at least that is what it feels like to me in retrospect, as I mentioned they were strict…

After my first colossal fuck up with my fiance’ I realized that while trying to find a woman that was the opposite of my mother I had attracted to myself my mother with short blonde hair in start of long dark hair.  I realized that I knew literally nothing about these evil insane creatures and I would NEVER be in an exclusive relationship with one again.  I needed an enriched environment in which I could study women.  So I became a male stripper because I am a fast learner.  I was never allowed to dance so I was very nervous when I auditioned I had never danced before because of my upbringing but I was hired on the spot.  I literally learned to dance taking my clothes off on stage in front of women.

I danced for about 2 years and I observed women during that time.  People will tell you that a club is not a good place to observe women but I have found it pretty much a predictive model for all women that I have met in my life.  I would like to meet a woman that doesn’t think like a woman but I haven’t been that fortunate.

To say I was a good dancer would be an understatement.  To this day I am an awesome dancer, I used to be a ringer  for this black AM radio station, SHUT THE DO’ with Darnell.  At the peak of my career I was hired to dance at the emerald queen casino for a Jay-Z concert.  I was made a feature performer and my lap dances were better than most that one can get from a woman.  I know because I have had a lot of lap dances from women, they actually influenced my style a lot.

I recently saw this movie, Magic Mike, and it reminded me of the experiences that I had, the stigma that women put on you if you are a male stripper.  It was frustrating for me to watch how women make choices, women are more interested in competing with one another than they are in being in relationship.  The ugliest brother in the club would make a minimum of $600 a night, easily, no matter how greasy his jerry curl was or how badly his teeth had rotted away.  It wasn’t like we had mainly black women in the club either, but they think in terms of stigma.  They think all of the other girls want the big black dick so they want the big black dick, and they would buy lap dances from them when they couldn’t even dance, while I made a maximum of $300 a night no matter how hard I busted my ass.  I wanted to break into acting or professional dancing or anything but I couldn’t get any support.  Women would fuck me but they wouldn’t support me and they didn’t trust me.

I had to stop dancing because I was beginning to hate women.  They couldn’t make decisions correctly and I am not allowed to smack them around a little bit.  I started hating stripping.  It wasn’t fun anymore and I had nothing else to learn from it, the enriched environment had been exhausted after only two years.  I remember Mark tried to get me to come back to dancing and I got up on stage and I started moving and I looked out at the audience and then I stopped and my head drooped and I just walked off the stage and out the door and I never came back.

My study of women continued with a 5 year bouncing career, most of it at a Samoan night club in Seatac that is now a casino.  It had a 900 capacity, two floors.  I got to study women in a slightly different environment and what I learned confirmed what I had seen thus far.  That was all over 10 years ago and I have continued learning in every relationship I have.  People think that it is not possible to understand women, women think it is not possible to understand women, they are both wrong.

Now that I know how women think I will never get into an exclusive relationship with one.  It just isn’t worth it.

Oh, yeah, one more thing.  My stage name was Sweetness.

https://www.facebook.com/darnellshut.thadoe

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvyjqRptRrU

 

 

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DESTROYER OF WORLDS

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 Lynn Marie Le asked me why I am called “The Destroyer of Worlds”.  There are a lot of reasons, my online handle for years has been Shivah Solomon.  My handle, which is also my spiritual name, means Death and Peace.  There is no peace until their is death, but it is a metaphorical death, a philosophical death, the death of ignorance, of delusion.  Shiva is the Hindu god of death.  

“The soul is, in a way, phenomena.”

~Aristotle

In my philosophy a person’s soul, is their world, or the world as they understand it, it is their ontology, but their are hidden subjects, a person is aware of phenomena and we can all see phenomena, but the meaning of the phenomena is different for every person.  I might use a sword or a scissors or a chopsticks completely different than they would.  Their relationship with the phenomena is different.  Also the relationship between phenomena is informed by their soul and that is not immediately obvious.  It informs a teleology of reaction.  This is said and this is done, now this is how I react to it.  

I am a rather brilliant debater and what I have found is that people cling to their world view.  They project their sense of self onto it and when you start to destroy their world view they start to panic.  Falsifying their world view has negative survival data for them and some people would rather die than know that they are wrong, the problem is their incorrect world view also informs their judgments and their relationships and the way they are in relationship with me and the world.  So as I start to hack through the Gordion Knot that is their world view they start to repeat it like an insane person.  Perseverating as their ignorance and delusion starts to go through its death throes.  It is as though chunks of their world are falling apart and they start trying to put it back together again. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perseveration

It is considered a virtue for some reason to back down from crazy people or wrong people.  I disagree with this conception.  That is what makes the world a sucky place to live.  Idiots and fools and people to stupid to know that they are wrong getting their way because they can’t handle reality and I am expected to tip-toe around them and their issues?  Their is no pleasant way to tell an idiot that they are an idiot and the sooner they find out the better it is for everybody.  

 

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CHOOSY BEGGARS, GUILT PEDDLERS

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I get frustrated with all of these fruity spiritualists that like to conflate pleasantness with spirituality and feminine judgments with wisdom.  They always argue in favor of mercy and charity and they reward failure.  If they had ever been on a spiritual path or taken a guru they would not be so full of themselves and their arrogant judgments.  

Everywhere I go now somebody is asking for a donation or charity, when I buy pet food they ask if I want to donate, when I buy groceries and I use my card I have the option to donate, when I leave the store someone is there asking for my loose change.  Not that this is relevant but America isn’t a first world country anymore.  I think we should be worrying about taking care of ourselves, our families, our neighborhoods, and keeping our money in our economies.  

You might be interested to know that Bhagwan Nityananda told people not to give homeless people handouts.  They should be able to offer some service in exchange.  This creates a pattern in the world that is undesirable.  First of all it communicates to the beggar that they have nothing to offer.  It rewards failure.  You are not going to have less homelessness and less beggars you will have more.  In a way they do have a product that you are buying, guilt.  They portray themselves as pathetic and make a visual appeal to your sympathy and you feel pity, or guilt.  But who the fuck are you to feel pity?  You are in relationship with your own superiority, reveling in it, relishing it.  And then you get the homeless charities that try to humiliate you in public if you don’t donate something every time.  

Let me explain a little about myself, I was homeless, and I never begged, I never made a spectacle of myself or a nuisance of myself.  It took me five years to get entirely off the street and I fought and clawed my way to just above the poverty line, living paycheck to paycheck.  Even when I was living in Everett Washington in an abandoned sewer pipe that was never installed in the middle of winter, and freezing wind would blow through that thing and the fire didn’t keep me warm, every morning I walked the 5 miles into town to the cavalry church and for 5 dollars an hour I did landscape maintenance.  

I once saw this guy begging and someone gave him a dollar and he said, “is that all you got?”  with righteous indignation in his voice.  That is where the term “choosy beggar” comes from.  

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A little more about myself, I am a guru, a Shaktipat guru, a Jnani guru.  I was initiated by Gurumayi Chidvilasananda.  Nityananda is part of my spiritual lineage, Baba Muktananda was the guru of my guru and Nityananada was his guru.  This American culture wants to think of itself as spiritual but it is doing so pretentiously, falsely, unconsciously, arrogantly.

 I bet you think that Ghandi would give money to a beggar if he saw a homeless person don’t you?  Well you are dead wrong.  He wouldn’t, and if anybody tried to coerce him he would have protested loudly.  Ghandi’s grandson Arun once tossed out a pencil on the way home from school because it was too small in his estimation.  Ghandi made him go back and look for it for hours until he found it, and refused to buy him a new one.  It was a lesson to be appreciative and efficient and humble.  Not wasteful and flamboyant, and it was one single, tiny, little pencil.  

 

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Teach the Teachers

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Teach the teachers was something I started when I was working with Lynn Marie Le.  What we found was that people that weren’t highly experienced, and highly intelligent would feel intimidated and threatened by my ideas and they would panic.  

Panic is a sudden sensation of fear which is so strong as to dominate or prevent reason and logical thinking, replacing it with overwhelming feelings of anxiety and frantic agitation consistent with an animalistic fight-or-flightreaction. Panic may occur singularly in individuals or manifest suddenly in large groups as mass panic (closely related to herd behavior).

The word panic derives from the Greekπανικός, “pertaining to shepherd god Pan“, who took amusement from frightening herds of goats and sheep into sudden bursts of uncontrollable fear. The ancient Greeks credited the battle of Marathon‘s victory to Pan, using his name for the frenzied, frantic fear exhibited by the fleeing enemy soldiers. ~Wikipedia

 

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We thought this was weird considering that Jesus signature miracle was turning water into wine, the same miracle of the cult of Bacchus the god of the theater and extacy.  A metaphor for turning what is mundane and boring into something supernormal, extraordinary.   Shiva is also the god of extacy as well as of death, having created the science of Tantra and my online handle and spiritual name Shivah Solomon, not just that but the fact that I am from a living lineage of gurus and I was initiated into it by Gurumayi Chidvilasananda. 

People that aren’t ready to receive or aren’t worthy, they panic, and fear blocks the light.  People that can’t enjoy themselves responsibly, that don’t know themselves, that can’t control themselves, spiritual children.  They need milk and not steak, and my truth is too rich for them. 

What we found is that I would never make it if I started at the bottom because I would have to compete with morons that would block me and ostracize me and besmirch me at every turn, because they didn’t understand me, they can’t evaluate me, and they can’t compete with me.  So they would sabotage, backstab, cockblock, and straight lie about me, to turn others against me.  Scapegoating me as it were.  

 

http://www.jeramyt.org/papers/girard.html

 

Racism, Prejudice, and Stupidity

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This dumb, ugly, bitch at the hot tub that looked like what would happen if a possum successfully mated with Ann Coulter’s corpse reminded me how stupid this world is getting.  I have lived at this apartment complex for 5 going on six years and I know the people that live here.  So this thing floating around in my hot tub like an albino turd that won’t flush decides that she is going to be the ambassador of good will to the apartment hot tub.  She starts offering information about herself that nobody asked for making appeals to her own authority.  She manages to tell everyone she is a teacher.  Who cares?  She is trying to impress this Persian family who has a vendetta against white people that she doesn’t know about, this family and the other Persians and Arabs gossip about and call the security on people that they don’t like, people wearing cowboy hats and drinking beer, more specifically white men and chicks that put out.  That is right, the Persians are the self appointed cock-blockers of the hot tub. 

So this dumb bitch, says, “I love black people, don’t you all just love black people?”  Now the reason this pisses me off is it has become a shibboleth, a tautology for saying, “I am a good person.” The Persians nod their heads vigorously, the woman even says in her deep mannish tenor, “oh, yes, we love black people.”  Which is patently not true, unless the sentence finished in her head and went like this, “Oh, yes, we love black people to pick up our garbage.”  of something to that effect.  

So, Ann Coulter’s doppelganger turns to me as I am sitting in a chair dangling my feet in the water and writing in my notebook for my blog and says, “Do you love black people?”  and I respond, “I don’t love people based on their skin color”.  Which i feel is an intelligent and correct response.  This bitch has the audacity to say to me, “Oh, yeah, you are prejudiced.”  

WTF?

AVENTINE HILL

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I have been living here for going on 6 years.  The rent is much cheaper than the surrounding area but, it has trouble keeping tenants here.  All the old cool people have moved out and the new ones are lame.

Rome was built on 7 hills and the last hill was Aventine hill.  Remus lived on Aventine hill.  Apparently part of the reason that his brother Romulus was chosen to be the first king of Rome was because of the “inauspicious birds” on Aventine.  These birds were bad omens, carrion birds, harbingers of death, crows, ravens, vultures, owls.  Part of the reason they were there is possibly because the hill was used as a dump, like the valley of Gehenna.

Interestingly, these bad omens are also associated with wisdom.  There is no wisdom without sacrifice and all of these birds are associated with wisdom.  Should Remus have been the first king of Rome?  Would the world be a better place?

It seems to me to be a metaphor for something more though.  The Roman Road was the key to the expansion of Roman success.  The Roman Road to heaven was symbolized by two back to back letters R.  The same symbol as you have seen on the Rock Star beverage.  Furthermore the seven hills seem to represent the 7 days of the week, Saturday being the seventh and ruled by Saturn who is synonymous with Shiva the Hindu God of Death & Time.  Chronos eats his children because everybody eventually dies.  The Owl can see between the Yin World and the Yang World. 

“I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.”  Oppenheimer

Then you have the difference between the eye or Ra and the eye of Set and it’s visual similarity to the symbol for the roman highway to heaven.

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MINDHACKING 101 #1 MIRROR TECHNIQUE

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I have been asked repeatedly to write down my techniques for what I learned to do with human behavior and psychology.  I think Cris Blakk will particularly find this technique interesting so I dedicate this blog to him.  https://plus.google.com/115599668920707439466/posts

When I think a person might be behaving strategically towards me, which is any unprovoked deviation from rational relationship for the purpose of maximizing what they are getting from the relationship without contributing equal value, or an attempt to establish dominance or leverage themselves, or refusing to participate, communicate, understand I have a little test to see if they are being self-referentially consistent.

Most people in trying to falsify another person do so from their own perspective making visual emotional judgements.  “I feel that you are wrong, therefore you are wrong”.  In order to actually falsify someone you have to do so from their perspective, which means understanding their philosophy if it is valid and non arbitrary, and if it is sound prove to them that their behaviors are not congruent with their beliefs.

I will use a tautology of the behavior or the strategic communication on them and see how they react to their own strategy.  If they respond as they want me to respond when they use it I know they are not intentionally being strategic, but if they don’t I know it is some manner of subterfuge.

I came up with this technique from my ASCENDING DRAGON STYLE TAI CHI that i created when I was in Washington state.  The concept is that you only turn the energy used to attack you back on your opponent.  You must make your ego very small and remove your judgments and interpretations from the interaction to ensure that they are in relationship with their own tactics through you.  I also sometimes refer to this as the silver ray technique. http://finscribeofwisdom.blogspot.com/2012/10/ascending-dragon-style-tai-chi.html

One of the tests for intelligence in animals is to see how long it takes them to realize that they are fighting their own reflection.  The mirror technique is fascinating because you get to see how the person is in relationship with their own strategies.  There is a part of my consciousness that sits back and just observes.  If you use 100% of your energy for the physical stuff or the emotional stuff you will not have the energy to sit back and learn and remember.  You can’t be completely invested in the conflict, you have to have a reserve of energy to learn and remember so that you can improve and compensate for that strategy in the future.

They are not fighting me, they are fighting themselves.  Sometimes people become aware of this.  Other times they become psychotic and feel they must destroy me.  They use as much dumb physical force as they muster and they enter a self destruction loop.  They become completely unconscious and completely obsessed with my destruction.  Paul Eckman refers to this as a refractory state, he says that a permanent refractory state is synonymous with insanity.  This is the technique I used to troll trolls and entire groups of trolls off the internet.  Right now I am apparently too controversial for facebook, lol.  They won’t let me have a single profile and it has been 6 months.  WINNING!

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